Every now and then, i will reach this point of time where i hit a road block. Not those on the roads but a mental road block. I become down and uninterested in most of the stuff i do and when i do the stuff i normally do, i just do for the sake of doing it. I guess this is part of growing up and also due to national service. When you’re in the service, when you have no officer rank, when things really gets out of hand, theres just too many wrong things that can be corrected and without an officer rank, voicing them out is simply treated as noise by the officers. Simple, the problems that non-officer face doesn’t affect the officers so no care and consideration is given BUT if the problem affects the officers, they will golly well do anything and everything in their power to correct it so the problem is out of their sight. So the problems and stress at work that i face is carried over out of camp and right into my life, which i think is really fuck up.

I have no idea why but just suddenly i’m filled with a sudden influx of sadness, anger and helpless feeling. After being a really fuck up person today , i finally thought it through. I will try my best to get out of the camp as a medically-injured personnel. Seriously this will be the last option for me to take, the camp i’m at really is a black hole , no matter how much of an open mind or optimism , give it time and it will crumple just like me. When all my friends lost hope in the management, the regulars and camp, i was still pretty optimistic that things might just change for the better if i suck it up and continue being hopeful, but it did not happen, instead it got worse. Why bother to contribute if the camp and management don’t recongise your effort? When i help people or contribute to the camp i don’t expect any returns but instead of a thank you note, i get a fuck you note instead. What the hell is this? So, why bother? Keep your head as low as you can, do not mingle with the regulars and when you’re done with the work , go hide somewhere until the day is over, repeat this every working day. Why work so hard and you realised at the end of the day all you get is “fuck you”. You like that? I certainly don’t.

Maybe this isn’t part of growing up, this is probably just how fuck up the camp i’m at really is. I can’t wait for my term to end and get the hell out.